Back again
by tsttoain
Summary: Jess returns after some time in California, knowing that he made a mistake by leaving. Can he make things right again?
1. Prologe

**Back again**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Gilmore Girls =(**

**AN:** **Just something I had in my head, again. Hope you like it, it's set after season 3, Rory is still in Europe and Jess just came back. Don't worry this is just a prologe thingy.**

It felt funny to be back here again. And not only back again, but also back to the hiding and the sneaking around. Just like back to the "Dean-time".

He hoped that that wasn't the case. Her probably not talking to him, he could take, that was his own stupid fault. Her being back with Dean again, on the other hand, would be his death.

Shuddering involuntarily at the thought, he went back to his mission. He couldn't believe his luck. Somebody, probably the crazy gnome-lady, had left her window open. Not that he wouldn't have been able to get in otherwise but this made it a lot easier. Breaking into her room wouldn't necessarily get him back in her good grace again, but he needed to explain himself to her and try to make things right. That was all he wanted, because he was pretty sure that no matter how much he hoped, explained and apologized she wouldn't take him back. But there was a part in him that told him to keep hoping. Apparently that part, which was rather big, was a masochist, that liked being disappointed.

Looking around the familiar room he searched for a place to put the letter. If he put it on her desk it would probably irritate the gnome-lady. Not that he had a problem with that, but she could tell Lorelai. That left under her pillow and in one of her books. Normally the pillow would have been too cliché for him but unfortunately he didn't know what books she still read or which reminded her of him. Nevertheless he needed her to find the letter so under the pillow it was.

Being in the room hurt as much as the thought that maybe she wouldn't read some of her books anymore because of him or that he had hurt her enough for that to be possible. Therefore he was gone as fast as he had come.

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	2. The letter

**The Letter**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Gilmore Girls or this or something alike would have happened at the show.**

**AN:**** So this is the next chapter. Sorry if someone seems OOC. I hope you like it.**

Rory looked at her room. Europe had been great, but now she was glad to be home again. They had seen everything there was to see and so much more but it was exhausting and her nights weren't too long, because the nights were the time when she couldn't keep him out of her thoughts.

As much as she wanted to forget about him, as she promised him she couldn't. And at night came the thoughts. Were was he, was he happy were he was, was he thinking of her, did he leave because of her, had he been angry at her for not wanting to sleep with him at the party? But something in her heart told her that that wasn't the case and that he would never do that to her. But then again, he had left her.

Even more exhausting and hard had it been to hide her pain from Lorelai. She didn't want to lie to her mother, but she couldn't handle the "I told you so"'s, even if it was just in her eyes.

She had been so deep in thought that she didn't hear her mothers ramble about the couch that began an affair with the kitchen chair change to the question what she wanted to do.

"Rory, you ok there? I just told you the most juicy gossip this house has ever heard and you didn't even react and now you won't even tell me what you want to do? How can you offend me that much? What did this lovely woman that gave live to you and saved you from her evil parents do to you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I'm just really tired. I think I'm going to bed."  
"Oh ok, but tomorrow you'll do everything I want you to because you are such an boring daughter to this amazing lady."  
"Yeah,yeah."

Changing into her pyjamas she let herself fall on the bed. That's when she felt something strange under her pillow. Curiously she pulled the white envelope from under her pillow. As she saw her name written on it by that familiar handwriting her heart stopped and the letter slipped from her hand. She starred at it as if it would disappear if she wouldn't look at it but somehow also as if it would burn her if she would touch it.  
What did he want and when did he put this letter under her pillow? Did that mean he was back?

After starring at the envelope for about half an hour she decided that her questions would only be answered if she read the letter and maybe then she would be able to forget about him or at least stop thinking about him all the time.

Slowly she opened the envelope and pulled out his letter.

_Rory,_

_you're probably wondering why I'm writing you this letter, but I got to explain these things to you. After that I'll leave you alone if that's what you want._

_So, I think you're wondering why I left. Well, it had nothing to do with you, or at least it wasn't your fault. It's just that I flunked out as you know now, and I didn't want to disappoint you. But now I had and I couldn't even take you to prom even though I knew how much you wanted to go there. That's what was bugging me at Kyles party. And then I wanted to show you that I care about you even if I wasn't good enough for you and you kind of rejected me. I know why and I know I shouldn't have pressured you and I'm really sorry for that, but before I could explain it to you, you had been gone and then there was Dean and somehow it was all just to much and something snapped.  
Then my father appears out of nowhere and disappears again and Luke kicked me out. So all I could think of doing was going after my father seeing what he did want by showing up so suddenly. I know I should have told you, but I wasn't sure if I had been able to leave then. I called you, but you know that._

_Anyway then I spent this summer with my father and his family but I didn't really fit in there and I noticed how much I missed you and even Luke. But I missed you the most. Everywhere I went something reminded me of you and I wanted so bad to talk to you. That's when I noticed that I love you and what a big mistake my leaving was. So I'm back, but you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry and that I'm staying this time. I'm even going back to school (That was Luke's condition).  
If you want to talk to me or have a question or something, you can of course talk to me or write me a letter and put him on the bridge or something.  
I hope you had fun in Europe.  
Jess_

So he was back. She couldn't believe it. How could he do that to her? But at least his leaving wasn't her fault and he was going to school again. As she thought about it she had missed him but she couldn't talk to him for now at least.  
Thinking she sat back on her bed. Just as she thought it was the best to go to bed and think about it, she had an idea. Quickly she got up and wrote her answer. When she was sure her mother was asleep she tip-toed out of the house and run to the bridge praying that he wasn't there. Seeing noone she put the letter under a little stone on the bridge and run back to her house and went straight into bed. It was one of the best nights she had since his depature.

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	3. The bridge

**On the bridge**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Gilmore Girls. If I would the dialogue wouldn't be half as good, but there would be a lot more Jess. **

**AN:**** Next chapter, I know it's a bit short, sorry. I apologize for any OOCness or faults concerning Jimmy and California. It's how I remembered it. I hope you like it.**

He had seen her coming, but he thought that it would be better if she didn't see him. So he slid back in the shadows and watched her lay down the letter.

A big part of him was satisfied, she had not only read his letter, she had also answered. The other part was terrified that it would only tell him to stay away from her for ever.  
Slowly he made his way over to the bridge. He pondered whether he should really read it but then came to the conclusion, that not reading it wouldn't change a thing and that this inner debate was nothing but ridiculous. Sitting down, his feet dangling over the water, he carefully unfolded her letter.

_Jess,_

_to say that I was taken by suprise by your letter would be an understatement. _

_First of all thank you for explaining these things, sometimes I really was afraid that it was my fault that you left. Somehow I understand you reasons._

_That doesn't mean I forgive you though and that I take you back. There might be a chance in the future but Jess you hurt me by leaving I don't think you can understand how much. And to make it all worse everyone had this look in his eyes that said: "Oh, the poor girl, but it was so obvious that he was going to hurt her. How could she be so naiv?". It was really hard to take that. You know I tried to believe in you, I still do somehow, but you really make it hard by always proving the others right. And in Europe it got even worse. I saw so much I thought you would like or hate and I wanted to share it with you but you didn't want that. But since I had told you that I wouldn't pine for you I couldn't think about that or talk to my mom about it, though she probably wouldn't have understood it anyway.  
What I'm trying to say is, that I still want to talk to you, because I really missed you, but nothing more. At least not in the moment. I need to be able to trust you again. And that's going to take time. I hope you understand that._

_Congratulations on going back to school by the way, I know you don't like it but I think it's great and you'll do it. You know I think you could do so much more.  
I hope you still had a good time with your father and learned something about him and yourself though I still can't picture you in California._

_Rory_

Well, at least she was still talking to him. That was an improvement. Besides she had let the option for something more later. It was to early to hope for that but after all she hadn't ruled it out completely which would have hated but understood. She clearly was too good for her own good.  
Maybe he should also work at his attitude, just a little bit. He had never thought about how the disapproval of the others really affected her. Or no, he had known it, he just blocked it out.

Rereading the letter, he snorted at her last sentence. He couldn't picture himself in California either. That's what he had been feeling also. Totally out of place. Jimmy's hot-dog stand just reminded him of Luke and the diner and every book reminded him of her.

Furthermore Jimmy had his own family now. He really liked Sasha, even though she had some pretty crazy tendencies. Lily was ok too. Anyone who reads that much can't be that bad, but she really should stop reading in closets. Unfortunately she had also reminded him of Rory. But regardless of how much he liked them, he had felt like an intruder. They were a family on their own and didn't need him.  
Feeling like this it had been no probleme to leave again as he had noticed that by running to California he was acting like Jimmy. Something he had sworn to himself he would never do. Then there had been the realization that he loves Rory, with a little help from Sasha and nothing could hold him in California anymore. Looking back he didn't understand why he left at all, but maybe it had been for the best. A learning experience or something like that.

The quack of a duck brought him out of his train of thought. Noticing the time he got up and went back to the diner. There was no need to agitate Luke after he took him in for the third time. At least not now. Thinking that it would be too much to be on time and help closing up voluntary he went straight up to the apartment. He turned on the music and soon fell asleep. It was one of his best nights since he had left for California. It was so good that he didn't even notice Luke stamping through the apartment, scolding him for not helping, then turning down the music and covering him up with his blanket.

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	4. Sookie, Lane & Dean

**Sookie, Lane & Dean**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Gilmore Girls or there would be a lot more Literati in it ;-)**

**AN:**** So here is the next chapter. About Dean: As you may notice I don't really like him and he totally creeped me out with his speech in "Deep fright korean Thanksgiving", besides it's "patheticness" and I always thought Rory should see this side of him.**

** Hope they aren't to OOC and you enjoy it.**

She was really tired the next morning when her mother woke her up by screaming at the coffee-maker for not working. But as she had been going to bed early last night, at least to her mother's knowledge, she had to get up, too.

Next to being tired she also had to decide whether or not not and what she was going to tell her mom and if she was ready to see him again. Avoiding Luke's, because of him, would be difficult to explain because she had told her mom she was over him and she would see trough any other lie she could come up with. On the other hand her mother seeing Jess wouldn't be the "reunion of the century" either.

"Morning sunshine! So what do you think about going to Sookie's for breakfast and then tour the city ? After that you can go see Lane, while I check on the Inn."

"Yeah, sure! I can't wait to see everyone again and Sookie's food is always great." Plus it solved all her problems besides telling her mother about him, but she decided to forget about that for the moment.

"Ok, go get changed. Go, go, go! We don't want to miss anything, do we? Think about it while we're still here Miss Patty could find a new husband or Kirk could, well he's Kirk he could do anything, maybe he'll try talking backwards again. Do you remember that? It was hilarious."  
Jeez, her mother really needed coffe and if she wanted to survive today she did too.

Breakfast at Sookie's was as great as always and Sookie hat been so preoccupied with her pregnancy that she hadn't noticed Jess' return.

The rest of the town obviously had and kept on shooting her worried glances, though nobody said anything about it. Since her mother didn't know she just thought the glances still were about the break-up.

Lane was really exited about her visit and the CDs she had bought her in Europe. But even more so when she heard about the recent development with Jess.  
"So I wrote him a letter, saying we can be friends but I need to trust him again for anything more."

"You really want there to be more again? I mean he left you without saying anything!"  
"Yeah, I know but I really did miss him and after he explained everything I could understand his reasons. And as I said I need to trust him again. It's not like I'm taking him back with open arms, is it?"  
"No, no it's not. I somehow understand what you mean. I just wanted to make sure you know what you're doing. You know, I think he was actually working and not just reading the most times I saw him at Luke's. It was a strange scene to see."  
"So you mean he's really trying?"  
"It seems so. Don't get too excited though, I don't go there too often without you. And after he returned I didn't go there at all because I didn't know what you would think. But it was really hard not to go in there and scream at him. I would have done it, but then Mama Kim would have found out and I wouldn't have been able to leave at all anymore. You know after what happened at the party and all."  
"Yeah, I know and thanks I think, but I can handle this on my own."  
"I know, and that's what best friends are for."  
"Your 15 minutes are up. Lane go back to studying."  
"Ok Lane, I'll see you later. Bye Mrs. Kim"  
With that she left and started to go back to our house when she noticed Jess who just returned to the Diner. She was just contemplating saying hello when he was stopped by an angry looking Dean.

She was wondering what he was doing so she walked closer. Now she could hear their voices.  
"Hey, watch it man!" That was Jess trying to get Dean let go of his arm.

"What are you doing here? Back to hurt her again?" She knew he was worried, but he really should stay out of this. Oh, he was still talking.  
"But why should I care. You screwed up, now all I have to do is be a bit nice to her and she'll be back with me in no time. I really should thank you for helping me this much." What was he talking about, he really thought she would go back to him? Well, lets see what Jess thought, he still hadn't said anything. That was new for him.

"You got nothing to say? Must have realized that I'm right. As I said this is my town so you better keep out of my way!" With that he turned and left. She still couldn't believe it. Dean really thought I would go back to him. And this "this is my town part" was not only pathetic but also slightly amusing. But did he say "as I said"? So he had said it before, but when? And Jess not saying anything to his defense or to provoke Dean was also new. She liked it, but Dean actually scared her a bit. Has he always been that way and she just didn't notice?  
Having to process all this and so many more thoughts she decided it would be the best to just go home.

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	5. The call

**The call**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls**

**AN:**** I'm so sorry for uploading this late but we changed our internet provider and so I had no internet over the last few days. It was cruel :-( ;-). Anyways here is the next chapter, I hope you like it. ****Sorry again, it's a bit short **

It really had been a stressful day and all he wanted was to sleep. First he had to spent the whole morning in summer school with a handful of idiots and a teacher that didn't want to be there more than any of them, then he had this crazy encounter with Dean and finally Luke had wanted him to close up.

He couldn't believe that Dean was still bugging him and he wanted nothing more than to punch him or tell him how wrong he was but then he thought about Rory and how she wouldn't like to hear that he punched her precious ex. That would would push her even further away. So he had just stayed there and let Dean talk.  
And now the stupid phone was ringing and Luke was gone somewhere.  
"Hello?"

"Hello? Is there somewhere?

"This isn't funny, I'm hanging up now" He didn't even know why he not just did that. Or maybe it was, because he had the irrational hope that it could be her.

"...Jess?" It was her.

"Hey! Rory?"

"Yeah, it's me."  
"So, how are you?" He couldn't believe he was actually talking to her. And she had called. Now, he had just to keep her talking.  
"Fine, fine, I think. Thanks. And you?" She was obviously nervous.  
"Ok, besides from summer school and Luke's tirades." It wasn't his best response but it was honest.

"That's great." Now she was silent again. But since she obviously had a reason for calling it, was probably the best to wait till she was ready.  
"Jess?"  
"Yeah?" Ok, here it goes, what did she want.

"In that letter you said I could I ask you questions if I want to, right?"  
"Yeah and if you're lucky I may even answer them."  
"Jess!" Oh, she was getting pissed, better make not keep that attitude up. At least for the moment.  
"Ok, ok. Yeah, you can ask, I answer."  
"Promise?" Now she sounded like a little kid.  
"Promise!" Thank god she couldn't see his eye-roll.

"Don't roll your eyes on me! Anyway, you know I saw you today with Dean."  
"Oh!" First of all how did she do that and second of all shit, that was what it was about.

"Yeah, and you know he said something like "as I said, this is my town". Does that mean he said that to you before?"  
"Yeah." He so didn't want to talk about that but he had promised. Maybe he could change the subject or something.

"When?"  
Or not.  
"Well, you remember Thanksgiving and the kiss as I was getting out the trash?"  
"Yeah." Wow, he could nearly hear her blush.  
"Well, apparently bag-, Dean saw us and after you left he came to me and tried to get me to fight him. When that didn't work he had that whole pathetic speech on how it was his town and he wouldn't hide anymore."  
"Oh, you never told me. Why didn't you?" Ugh, could those questions get anymore difficult? What should he say now. Why hadn't he told her?  
"Jess, please!", she cut into his musing.

"I guess, I thought you wouldn't believe me. I mean I'm pretty sure Dean never showed that side to you and you have or had this really great picture of him. I didn't want to destroy that, that's his job. I figured your smart enough for that, even though I still don't understand how you could be with him. But well you also put up with me. Besides it's not as if I feel threatened by him or something."  
"Oh, ok. I still think you could have told me. You will in the future, alright?"  
As long as it meant talking to her in the future he would promise her anything, not that she needed to know that. The letter had been enough for the moment.

"Ok."  
"Did I tell you that I'm glad that you didn't punch him today? Even though I totally would have understand it. Who does he think he is? And that he thinks I'm just coming back to him. Did he even think about Lindsay?"  
"No, you haven't. And tell me if you need somebody to punch him in the future. You know I'll be glad to oblige."  
"Jess! Ok, I'll do."  
"Promise?", I mocked her earlier behavior.  
She sighed. "Yeah, promise."  
"So, what have you been reading in Europe?" And with that our conversation was not only back to the way of before our fight and my leaving but also going on for the next hour. Talking to her again was great. I had missed her so much during my time away and saw so many things I thought she would like. Just as she had described in her letter.  
In the end of the call I could even get her to meet me tomorrow to exchange some books we found during the summer.  
With that the day turned out to be alright in the end.

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	6. Fights and Kissing

**Fights and Kissing**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls :-(**

**AN: So here is the last chapter. I hope you like it and sorry if someone is OOC, I have a really hard time writing Lorelai. And thanks for all your reviews, it's great to hear your opinions. **

There was so much to think about after that day and after her call to Jess, there was even more. Suddenly it came to her mind that it had been the first time she had gone to Jess to clarify things that happened with Dean. After the "black-eye affair" she didn't believe him and went to Dean. She couldn't believe that she would have trusted him more than her boyfriend at that time. Maybe he wasn't the only one who made mistakes.

The next day she woke up at noon. Her mother was already at the Inn, so she wrote her a short note, took some books for Jess and for reading and left for the bridge.

He was already there, feet dangling over the water. Slowly she walked over to him and set down next to him. It was weirdto sit next to him again. He was still looking good as always and sitting here felt so familiar and good, but it still hurt to think about his departure.  
"Hey, what are you reading?"  
"Hey, just a book I found in the bookstore in Hartford. I think you would like it."  
"Read to me?"  
He looked at me for a moment then started to read.

It felt just like always. Subconsciously she put her head on his shoulder. She could feel him stiffen for a second, then he looked at her again and slowly put his arm around her. When she didn't push it away he started reading again.

They spent about two hours like that just sitting and reading. Then she got hungry and they decided to go to Luke's. Jess had to work the afternoon shift anyhow. While they walked he kept his arm around her shoulder. First she didn't know what to think about it but then it could also be a friendly gesture, right?

Petty and Babette, who saw them leaving the bridge, kept on gawking but fortunately didn't say anything.

Right before they reached the diner Dean stopped them looking even more angry than yesterday. She felt Jess arm stiffen around her shoulder. She slowly detached herself and stepped in front of him. Giving him a pleading look, to let her handle this she narrowed her eyes at Dean.

"So you're back with him? You know he's only going to hurt you again? He's probably going to leave after he got what he wanted from you!"  
"You know what, Dean? Even if we were friends, this would be going to far. And if you consider that we aren't friends then it's definitely going to far. Because you didn't honestly think that I still would want to be friends with you after all the things you said yesterday?"

"You heard that?"  
"Yes, I did and now leave! Don't you have a girlfriend of your own?"  
He just looked at her as if he had seen a ghost. Then he finally turned around and walked away. After a few steps he turned around again and shouted:  
"You are going to regret this!"  
After she stayed silent he turned again and left.

Slowly she turned around to look at Jess. His face didn't show any emotions as always, but in his eyes the anger at Dean and something like pride and love were visible.  
This discovery let everything around her vanish and it was only the two of them, looking in each others eyes. Stepping closer she brought her arms around his neck. Before she knew it they were kissing.

Just as she was about to deepen the kiss, he pulled away but kept his arms around her.

Seeing her confused look, he smiled a bit and then said:  
"Just wanted to make sure your sure about that."  
That would have reduced any doubts I had, if there were any in the first place. So she just nodded and kissed him again.  
"Oh my God! Oh my God! I can't believe it. Lorelai Leigh Gilmore what are you doing?"  
It's really scary how much her mom can sound like grandma if she's angry or talking about Jess, which mostly includes each other.

"Hey Mom! You're already done at the Inn?" Maybe she could change the topic long enough to think about how she could explain Jess to her.  
"No, just wanting to eat with my daughter and when I go looking for her I find her kissing the town hoodlum who broke her heart. When did he come back anyhow?"  
"Well, you know..."  
"No, Rory I don't, because you won't tell me. Now come on, tell Mommy what's going on."

"Ok, Jess came back while we were in Europe. He wrote me this letter to explain everything. And then there was Dean and the fight and... I know what I'm doing Mom. Trust me, please."  
"Ok honey. I'm not happy about this and I want the ful version with all the ugly details tonight, ok? And I hope you're still a virgin by then!" Her blush could be used as siren after this comment.  
"Mom! I'll tell you everything. I promise. And thanks."  
"Ok, bye kids. Have fun, or when I think about it, don't have fun. Don't do anything that you think could be fun at all."  
"Bye Mom."

"Well, that was interesting."  
"Yeah, you could say that. You know I really missed you."  
At that he just shrugged, but she could see the happiness in his eyes.  
"But you have to promise to talk more to me this time, ok?"

"Ok."  
This time he really smiled. A genuine smile. Just as she was about to kiss him again sh could see something else. He looked happy but also a bit confused. Now, he really got her worried.  
"What is it?"  
First he looked even more confused but then he seemed to know what she was talking about.

"It's just. Why are you taking me back? Not that I'm complaining. Just wondering."  
"Well, you know the whole thing with Dean made me think about how much I trusted him and look how good that was. So I thought I could give you a second chance. And you didn't blew it, you didn't even fight Dean which I would have understood. And I made some mistakes too. It wouldn't be fair to blame all this mess on you. Besides you didn't say good-bye."  
"I guess it would be the best if I just scratch that word out of my vocabulary."  
"I like the sound of that"  
She just wanted to kiss him again when he said something else.  
"I love you." She had known that before, he had written it in the letter but it somehow was really hard to believe. But when she saw the look in his eyes she knew what she had to do.  
"I love you, too."

**-The End-**

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